Getting good with food.

Instead of worrying about gaining weight, what about gaining insight into what’s behind emotional eating?

My first post-election interaction was with a woman at Trader Joe’s. She responded to my friendly “How are you?” by stating that she was feeling a bit down after eating “too much ice cream.” This woman had no idea that I am a licensed psychologist specializing in disordered eating. And while I spend much of my day helping clients get more connected to their feelings and working on improving their relationships with food, my response to her was just a kind acknowledgment that coping is important. I would have loved to offer this stranger even more than the pleasant exchange. I would want her to develop kinder self-talk so she doesn’t judge what she eats; I would want to share that coping with food isn’t bad; I would want to explain how diet culture influences our relationship with food.

Since impromptu therapy sessions at the grocery store are frowned upon, as we gear up for the holidays, I am elaborating on ways to improve insight around what we eat and why. Feeling “a bit down” about food choices around the holiday season is such a common experience. But there is an opportunity to slow down and understand more about what we eat and why.

The reality is most people regularly use food to cope with at least some of their emotions. This might look like being over controlled by food, like eliminating entire food groups, or feeling out of control with food, where mindless eating is the norm, or even a pendulum that is constantly swinging between the two. Binge eating is almost always connected to periods of restriction and binge eating disorder (BED) is, in fact, the most common eating disorder, affecting almost 3 million Americans. BED is a clinical diagnosis in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5TR), but many more people just eat to comfort themselves without ever meeting any diagnosable criteria.

What if the stigma associated with “emotional eating” falls away? What if this holiday season offers a moment to reflect, and we just try to understand that food can soothe us in moments of despair or can elevate us in positive moments? Maybe the woman from Trader Joe’s was out with friends and “over indulged.” Feeling supported by friends in any context is so important these days. Eating also serves as a means of connection and community—other, more socially accepted ways of “coping with emotions using food.”

I am not advocating that food should become our only method of managing feelings—or that food is the only ingredient to building community and connection. But understanding how food already serves as a coping mechanism for many and why this might be effective can reduce the guilt cycle that might feel familiar. Recognizing what leads people to eating to manage emotions can move the needle on self-judgement about eating—ultimately improving our relationship with food. 

So, how is food already a coping strategy? Have you ever mindlessly eaten in front of the TV after a long day? There is nothing wrong with this behavior at all—and it is a form of coping. Perhaps you need to create some distance between yourself and the day. A little numbing out makes total sense. Or maybe you got a good report from your child’s teacher, and you want to celebrate with them. To the ice cream shop you go. This is a form of coping; the emotions are more positive but we still sit with those feelings and sometimes we include food. When we understand that food is embedded in our culture as something that we might lean on for life’s highs and lows, we can work on becoming more neutral with food. Building this neutrality ultimately helps distance ourselves from the damaging effects of the diet industry.

Understanding why food is often a coping strategy can minimize the waves of internal criticism and guilt we often experience as a result of eating for comfort. One those “whys” is again connected to diet culture. The diet industry is hugely profitable, now assessed at about $90 billion. This means that we have been sold a narrative about food and our bodies our whole lives. Diet-culture rhetoric morphs every few years, but ultimately it conveys the same messages. The inherent implication is that food should be consumed in small quantities in a controlled manner. And because on some level we associate “overeating” as a “bad” behavior, we tend to do it when we are having intense feelings that we want to manage. I often hear clients refer to this behavior as the “what the hell effect.”  The psychology behind this might be related to not feeling great about the negative emotions and coping with behaviors that are rooted in shame or guilt. Diet culture has delivered us a plethora of reasons to judge our intake and feel “guilty or bad” for just eating beyond fullness.

So, if you find yourself not eating much, obsessing over everything you eat, or eating more than you’d like during the holidays, get curious and try to remember that food isn’t good or bad. With judgment set aside, maybe there is space to understand the feelings that are below the surface. Building this awareness and kindness around food is such a better option than just committing to some new diet in January.